It took a while, but America’s favorite gravelly-voiced, bespectacled infectious disease specialist has finally gotten the “Saturday Night Live” treatment — from Brad Pitt, no less. The newly-minted Oscar winner donned a gray wig and glasses to portray Dr. Anthony Fauci.
“First, I’d like to thank all the older women in America who have sent me inspiring — and sometimes graphic — emails,” he began in the show’s cold open segment. “Now, there’s been a lot of disinformation out there about the virus, and yes, the president has taken some liberties with our guidelines. So tonight, I’d like to explain what the president was trying to say.”
On Trump’s claim that we’d have a vaccine “relatively soon”: “Relative to the whole history of Earth, sure, the vaccine’s gonna come real fast. But if you were to tell a friend, ‘I’ll be over relatively soon,’ and then showed up a year and a half later, well, your friend may be relatively [ticked] off.”
On Trump’s prediction that the virus would one day disappear “like a miracle”: “Who doesn’t love miracles? But miracles shouldn’t be Plan A. Even Sully tried to land at the airport first.”
On Trump’s claim that anyone who wanted a test could get one: “Couple of things,” Fauci said. “I don’t know if I would describe the test as ‘beautiful.’ Unless your idea of beautiful is having a cotton swab tickle your brain. Also, when he said everyone can get a test, what he meant was, ‘Almost no one.'”
On Trump’s suggestion that injecting disinfectant could help clean the virus out of the human body: Fauci didn’t have a comeback so much as a stunned look.